Because building connections shouldn’t feel harder than dating apps.
If you’ve ever stared at your phone wishing you had someone to text for a last-minute coffee, you’re not alone. Many people hit a point in adulthood where their social circles shrink, and how to make friends as an adult becomes a real and pressing question.
At ValueCore, we hear this all the time: “I’m busy. Everyone else is busy. And I feel awkward just… reaching out.” Between work, family responsibilities, and the general pace of life, opportunities for new connections can feel scarce. Add in a few moves, life changes, or shifting priorities, and it’s no wonder so many adults are feeling lonely.
But here’s the good news: connection is still possible. It just takes intention, a little vulnerability, and knowing where to start.
How do adults make new friends?
The truth about how to make friends as an adult is that it doesn’t happen by accident as often as it did in school or university. You have to create opportunities for it.
Some starting points:
- Shared activities – Join a class, group, or club where people meet regularly.
- Volunteering – Work on causes you care about to meet people with similar values.
- Leveraging existing circles – Say yes to events, even if they’re outside your comfort zone.
- Digital communities – Local Facebook groups, hobby-based forums, or apps like Meetup can connect you to real-world gatherings.
Making friends as an adult isn’t about finding someone instantly compatible—it’s about creating regular interactions that can turn into deeper connections over time.
What is the 11 3 6 rule of friendship?
When learning how to make friends as an adult, consistency matters. The 11 3 6 rule is a simple guideline for building new friendships:
- 11 interactions – It takes about 11 casual meetups or conversations before someone feels like a friend.
- 3 months – Regular contact over three months helps trust and familiarity grow.
- 6 deep connections – Research shows that having six close friends significantly boosts wellbeing and reduces loneliness.
This rule reminds us that friendship is less about one magical conversation and more about sustained, repeated contact. If you’re feeling discouraged, remember: the process is slow for everyone—it’s not just you.
Why do I struggle making friends as an adult?
There are plenty of reasons why how to make friends as an adult feels harder than it used to:
Time scarcity – Work, family, and personal commitments leave little energy for new relationships.
- Less shared context – School and university gave us built-in communities; adult life doesn’t.
- Fear of rejection – The risk of “putting yourself out there” feels bigger when you’re older.
- Changing priorities – What you value in friendships may have shifted, and that can make finding a match harder.
On top of that, many adults have been through friendship breakups or betrayals that make them more cautious. If you’ve struggled to build or maintain friendships lately, know that it’s not a personal flaw—it’s a common reality of adult life.
What is the hardest age to make friends?
Studies suggest that midlife—roughly your late 30s to early 50s—is the hardest time for how to make friends as an adult. This is when careers, parenting, caregiving, and other responsibilities tend to peak, leaving less space for socializing.
But “hard” doesn’t mean “impossible.” Some people find that later in life, especially post-retirement, making friends actually becomes easier again because schedules open up and priorities shift back to connection.
The trick at any age is to be intentional—friendships need consistent nurturing to grow, and that’s true whether you’re 25 or 65.
Final thoughts: Friendship is worth the effort
If you’ve been feeling the weight of the “friendship recession,” you’re not alone. Many people are quietly wondering how to make friends as an adult without feeling awkward, desperate, or fake.
The truth? Friendships in adulthood might take more effort, but they’re often richer—built on shared values, mutual respect, and choice rather than convenience.
Say yes to the coffee invite. Send the text. Show up to the class. Give it time.
Because while adult life is busy, there’s nothing quite like having people who know you, see you, and choose you—over and over again.